I am a Navy veteran and at the time, we were living on Oahu, Hawaii where I was serving, which is the most secluded place in the world, and that’s how I felt at that place in my life. Fall 2014, I had the worst depression of my adult life. I had many suicidal thoughts and wondered why it was that I was having to go through these experiences.
At the same time, I started experiencing the anxiety, which was totally new to me. And we found out we were pregnant with our son. People don’t understand that when you have anxiety, it effects all areas of your life and you can have irrational fears.
For me, that fear manifested into miscarrying my son. And while I made it through that pregnancy and delivered our third child, my fear of miscarriage became real a few weeks ago. I was only 5-6 weeks pregnant. Because I felt like something was wrong, I hadn’t allowed myself to become attached to the pregnancy or believe that I was pregnant. In the end, I lost my baby. God was with me in that hard time and in a strange way, I feel blessed to have gone through that experience, because I can relate better to other women and walk through them with a new commonality. While the experience is something I don’t want any woman to have to go through, it happens. And it’s hard.
Between November 2016 and January 2017, I wrote and edited my devotional book, Created for This, the following verses kept coming up in my life. I wrote a devotional on anxiety based on this passage, and it’s a powerful passage, but maybe one we have heard a lot. Go slowly through these words and let them soak into your heart and mind.
Matthew 6:25-34 says,
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
As women, we worry. We focus on tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow and next week, and next year. Matthew 6:34 says that it can worry about itself. And it can. And God knows tomorrow and He is there.
The Bible teaches to focus and pray on today in Matthew 6:11, – “give us today our daily bread.” And it says don’t worry because Jesus is enough to calm your anxiety. He knows your tomorrow, and He’ll be there with you. He wants to be on your journey with you, no matter what that entails. I know that my journey with depression and anxiety probably will continue, but through prayer, he’s helped give me a different perspective. By focusing on His words through meditation, affirmations and repeating Bible verses to myself, I am able to focus on the truth. And through the darkest moments of my day, God is the shiny light that is leading and guiding me.
He’s the God of yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is there! And yes, we don’t know what tomorrow holds, but he is worthy of our trust. He’s a big God.