Coping SKills

Who does more work - you or your spouse?

A huge source of tension is the division of labor between married partners.  It's probably the most-cited source of marital conflict I encounter when I deliver marriage counseling in my private practice. 

What's also interesting is that many women who book a counseling visit with me to talk about marriage problems actually find that the main source of their stress is anxiety about housework and domestic chores.

In essence, we often find that it's not the spouse's lack of help that is the problem... it's unmanaged stress reactions. 

who does more work you or your spouse

Picture this: you come home from work and kick off your shoes, walking straight to preheat the oven for dinner. Your kids' backpacks are everywhere and the sink is full of dishes, but your husband sits on the sofa scrolling through social media. TRIGGER! You feel yourself becoming more and more irate, feeling as though no one is pulling their weight at home. You're suddenly keeping a mental tally of all the work you've done around the house, and you're jotting a big fat zero in the column for your husband's support. You make a few passive aggressive comments to your kids loudly enough for your man to overhear: "Sorry, sweetie. Mommy can't help you with that puzzle because Mommy always has to come home and fix dinner before I can rest." Your husband hears this, of course, and responds with resentment... resentment that causes him to want to help LESS... thus fulfilling the prophecy you'd spoken about him in your mind moments earlier.

Perhaps if the mom mentioned above had managed her stress reactions a bit more carefully, she would have felt less resentment.  She may have, in turn, behaved differently and elicited a different response from her husband.

 
marriage counseling anxiety
 

Picture the same scenario played out with a different reaction:  

You come home from work and notice immediately that the kids' backpacks are strewn everywhere, and everyone is watching TV in the den.  You know that dinner has to be started soon, but you're exhausted.  You kick off your shoes and notice, to your irritation, that your husband is glued to his phone.  Knowing that hunger cues even more irritation in your family, you decide to reach in the fridge for a little snack to tide you and your family over, then graciously hand the goodies out to everyone in the den.  You kick off your own shoes and plop down beside your man, who thanks you for the snack and asks about your day.  After fifteen minutes of peaceful conversation and more stabilized blood sugar, you feel refreshed enough to start dinner and ask your husband, "Would tackle those dishes while I get the chicken going?"  He agrees, now that he's had a few moments to relax after work and reconnect with you.

See how those scenarios play out differently with different reactions?  

 

Let me say that I realize you're probably whining a little bit in your head right now:

"But Celeeeeeste... it's sooo unfair that I have to manage myyyy reactions.  Can't everybody just do what I want them to do without me having to ask?"

 

Darling, what you just described is a robot.  Until we find out a way to clone that metal maid from The Jetsons, the answer is an unfortunate no. (Side note:  why have we made such technological advancements and still don't have robotic maids?)

Here's my challenge to that: scientific studies show that people almost always overestimate the amount of work they personally do, and almost always underestimate the amount of work anyone else does. It's true at work, in marriages, and in friendships. 

 

I designed my Division of Labor chart for families to sit down honestly take stock of who does what around the house.

 

You may find that your partner is doing lots of little things you don't really remember in the heat of the moment. Or you may realize that your spouse does a lot to help... but he does it in his own time (which maybe drives you crazy). OR, you may realize that your spouse really doesn't help at all and it's time to have an open conversation about the support you need (either from him or in the form of a housekeeper, meal service, etc.). 

 

Here's the Dropbox link to my Division of Labor Worksheet:   https://www.dropbox.com/…/Division%20of%20Labor%20Chart.pdf…

 

I hope it helps!


If you found this article and the Division of Labor Worksheet helpful, you'd really love my 90 Day Comeback.  It includes all sorts of practical resources like just like this one.

Give me 90 days and I'll help you transform your schedule, renew your thinking and refresh your life.  

4 Myths About Anxiety Damaging Your Mind and Health

"How can I stop a panic attack IMMEDIATELY?"

Kate* implored me to help her cure her panic attacks with counseling.  She wanted an answer fast!

Unfortunately, in working with Kate on her counseling for Panic Disorder, it became clear that she had suffered from high stress and anxiety for a number of years without seeking treatment.  This led to more serious problems than if she had created a stress management plan when symptoms were less severe.   

Kate's anxiety didn't develop all at once.  It had slowly crept in after a breakup with her long-term boyfriend and coworker, Joe.  Immediately after this breakup, Kate found herself regularly waking at 3AM, when her mind seemed to turn on with worries about how she would manage to continue working with her ex.  Kate soon began to avoid certain meetings or areas of her workplace because she didn't want to risk running into Joe. 

Avoiding important meetings meant Kate fell out of the loop in her job, and she dropped the ball on a few projects.  When her boss gave Kate a bad performance review, her worries increased tenfold.  Some days she felt so paralyzed with worry during her commute that she became physically sick and would pull her car over to avoid vomiting.  

Knowing she couldn't avoid any more lost time at work - especially now - Kate began visiting walk-in clinics in an effort to get her stomach issues under control.  This lasted for nearly 2 years before Kate came to my office for help after she was diagnosed with a panic attack by her OBGYN on a routine visit and was subsequently referred to my office.  

I realized quickly that because Kate's early symptoms of stress (sleeplessness, avoidance) were unmanaged, full-fledged panic attacks (vomiting, nausea, racing heart) ultimately ensued. 

You see, Kate believed a number of damaging myths about anxiety.  She's not alone.  From where I sit, there are 4 major myths that need to be addressed.

4 anxiety myths

 

4 Myths About Anxiety That Are Damaging Your Mind and Health

1.  "It's not that serious...it's just the way I am."  I hear this line every week from potential clients who believe their sleeplessness, muscle tension, or excessive worry are just simply their "nature."  While it's true that some of us are naturally more high-strung and prone to stress, it is false to believe that living with the symptoms of this stress is healthy or "normal."  

Symptoms of anxiety can actually cause or exacerbate a number of health problems:

  • Diabetes
  • Stroke
  • Heart attack
  • Eczema
  • Common colds
  • Insomnia
  • Panic attacks
  • Acne
  • Substance abuse
  • Hair loss

Obviously you realize that some conditions, like diabetes or a heart attack, are very serious.  However, it can be easy to think that symptoms like sleep loss are possible to simply ignore.  Consider for a moment how serious insomnia could be if it causes you to nod off while driving.  Or how repeated bouts of the common cold could lead to serious work absenteeism with major consequences.  

It's always best to treat stress and anxiety when symptoms are at a lower level rather than when they become utterly debilitating.

 

2.  You should hide clinical anxiety or be embarrassed and ashamed of it.  Because I treat dozens of high-achieving, well-dressed, well-liked people for anxiety, I often forget how stigmatized people can feel when admitting to their symptoms.  I regularly tell friends that if they knew how many "normal" (their words) people confidentially come into therapy every day, they'd be a lot more apt to visit a counselor themselves. 

According to the DSM-V, almost 20% of people have anxiety worldwide.  What's more, anxious distress can be inherited just like diabetes or high blood pressure.  Do you fault a person who inherits a predisposition to breast cancer?  Then why get so freaked out when you think someone you know has anxiety?  

In fact, statistically one in five of your friends does probably have anxiety.

It's also worth noting that some anxiety is not inherited, but rather is situational.  Consider Kate:  she'd never experienced anxiety before in her life and had no family history, but a few stressful events left unmanaged caused her to develop symptoms.  

 

3.  You can just snap out of it.  If you're an anxiety sufferer, it can be incredibly frustrating to hear loved ones say, "Just stop thinking about it." By definition, anxiety means you find it difficult to control the worried thoughts that enter your mind throughout the day.  

This means that anxious can't be effectively managed or resolved by simply ignoring the problem. 

I would venture to say that burying your head in the sand can, in fact, worsen the symptoms.  What if I told you, "Don't think about pink bunnies right now.  No matter what, just ignore any thoughts of pink bunnies that enter your mind.  Don't think about their little pink tails, or their two big ears, or their little pink feet."  What's the only thing on your mind right now?  Pink bunnies!

Managing anxiety and simple daily stress takes an arsenal of coping skills that you use on a regular basis.  

 

4.  Everybody gets stressed.  A part of this statement is true, granted.  I will wholeheartedly agree that everyday life is full of stressors like bills, traffic, parenting, and dinner plans.   

But when it affects your sleep, appetite, digestion, muscles, fatigue or energy levels...we're dealing with more than stress.

In my Quiet Mind Collective Monthly Survival Guide, I interviewed Samantha Johnston, who shares how a time of incredible stress actually led her body to rebel against her with an autoimmune disorder that caused incredible pain, joint stiffness, and other negative effects.  She shares the incredible ways that simple stress relief routines actually relieved the physical pain symptoms and swelling she was experiencing.  

My Quiet Mind Collective Monthly Survival Guide can be an invaluable part of your monthly stress management and anxiety relief routine.  Through this powerful online course, you'll learn the exact same strategies I'd teach you in therapy... but for a fraction of the cost of counseling and in the privacy of your own home.  

 

Quiet Mind Collective offers:

  • Transformative coping skills for any level of anxious distress
  • Research-backed psychoeducation broken down into easy-to-understand lessons
  • Powerful worksheets, videos, and audio recordings to help you take back control over the fear and stress affecting your health

 

While traditional therapy could cost you up to $3500, Quiet Mind Collective Monthly Survival Guide delivers:

  • A value-packed subscription of new lessons every month for one year
  • Videos, worksheets and interactive exercises to help you plan for stress management
  • A private, nurturing community filled with support for your concerns

 

Pay not $3500, but only $997.  For your convenience, you may also choose to make 12 monthly payments of $97.

 

A daily, weekly and monthly routine for stress relief helps keep the stressors of life at a manageable level rather than allowing your body to build up damaging symptoms that affect your mind and physical health.  Don't wait to invest in your wellness!

 

 

*Kate is a fictitious character created from an amalgam of actual client stories to demonstrate common signs of Panic Disorder.  

Expert Help for Anxiety

Does a dentist fill his own cavities?

Does a surgeon remove his own appendix?

Sometimes you need to reach out for an expert, right?  When it comes to anxiety relief and stress management, you can definitely do a Google search for something like, "How to stop a panic attack fast."  

expert help for anxiety relief

Yes, you'll get some answers.  Yes, you may find some of it helpful.  Should you always trust everything you read on the Internet or see pinned on Pinterest or demonstrated in YouTube?  I think not.  

In this video I share a bit about why.

Like what you saw in the video?

Check out our private Facebook community, Quiet Mind Collective.  You can also look over our Pinterest boards for anxiety relief, stress management, and general wellness.  

If you're wondering what anxiety actually is or whether you may have it, you can check out some of our other articles where I explain the symptoms that often are missed.

Anxiety management techniques taught in therapy can vary from therapist to therapist, obviously, but you're most likely to learn things like deep breathing relaxation techniques.  My own therapist recommends these all the time, and it really helps.

 

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expert help for anxiety

Why Does Deep Breathing Reduce Anxiety?

In this video, I'm going to share a bit about why deep breathing works to reduce anxiety.

I can see you nodding off right now.  Don't click away!

Deep breathing gets such a bad rap, because it seems entirely cliche.  Well, I'm here to show you that there's a reason relaxation training always involves mindful breathing.  Whether you're a sufferer of social anxiety, panic attacks, burnout, stress or generalized anxiety... this coping skill will work for you.

Relaxation is a skill that we lose as we age, due to the stress of parenting, financial worries, work/life balance and more.  The good news is that you can learn to reduce your anxiety with techniques like mindful, intentional breathing.

Don't forget to take our quiz, "Is it stress or anxiety?"

deep breathing for anxiety

In the video I'll share about:

  • The fight or flight response
  • How this response is not helpful to us any longer, despite having been really beneficial to our ancestors 
  • Exactly how to breathe correctly for maximum relaxation
  • How to incorporate deep breathing into your daily life for stress reduction and anxiety relief

One more thing... Be sure to check out the quiz mentioned in the video so that you can get all of our downloadable audio files that will walk you through deep breathing exercises.  Just click the button to take our "Is it stress or anxiety?" quiz, and then enter your email when prompted.  

 
deep breathing reduces anxiety

Using Scripture for Anxiety

The beautiful Danielle Roberts of Legacy Creative Co. was generous enough to write a beautiful guest post for us today about how she found the Bible to be a source of inspiration and comfort as she dealt with anxiety of a miscarriage. I know you’ll enjoy her story!
— Celeste
using scripture for anxiety

I am a Navy veteran and at the time, we were living on Oahu, Hawaii where I was serving, which is the most secluded place in the world, and that’s how I felt at that place in my life. Fall 2014, I had the worst depression of my adult life. I had many suicidal thoughts and wondered why it was that I was having to go through these experiences.

At the same time, I started experiencing the anxiety, which was totally new to me. And we found out we were pregnant with our son. People don’t understand that when you have anxiety, it effects all areas of your life and you can have irrational fears. 

For me, that fear manifested into miscarrying my son. And while I made it through that pregnancy and delivered our third child, my fear of miscarriage became real a few weeks ago. I was only 5-6 weeks pregnant. Because I felt like something was wrong, I hadn’t allowed myself to become attached to the pregnancy or believe that I was pregnant. In the end, I lost my baby. God was with me in that hard time and in a strange way, I feel blessed to have gone through that experience, because I can relate better to other women and walk through them with a new commonality. While the experience is something I don’t want any woman to have to go through, it happens. And it’s hard.

Between November 2016 and January 2017, I wrote and edited my devotional book, Created for This, the following verses kept coming up in my life. I wrote a devotional on anxiety based on this passage, and it’s a powerful passage, but maybe one we have heard a lot. Go slowly through these words and let them soak into your heart and mind.

Matthew 6:25-34 says,

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

As women, we worry. We focus on tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow and next week, and next year. Matthew 6:34 says that it can worry about itself. And it can. And God knows tomorrow and He is there.

The Bible teaches to focus and pray on today in Matthew 6:11, – “give us today our daily bread.” And it says don’t worry because Jesus is enough to calm your anxiety. He knows your tomorrow, and He’ll be there with you. He wants to be on your journey with you, no matter what that entails. I know that my journey with depression and anxiety probably will continue, but through prayer, he’s helped give me a different perspective. By focusing on His words through meditation, affirmations and repeating Bible verses to myself, I am able to focus on the truth. And through the darkest moments of my day, God is the shiny light that is leading and guiding me. 

He’s the God of yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is there! And yes, we don’t know what tomorrow holds, but he is worthy of our trust. He’s a big God.

    Bio: Danielle Roberts wants to encourage you to deeply know Jesus. As an online business manager, she spends her days working with entrepreneurs to develop their business strategy and handling their day to day. As a wife and a mom, she strives to keep her family a priority and maintain a solid relationship with her husband. She loves coffee, Jesus, date night and chasing after her kids. Connect with her on her website daniellemroberts.com or find her on Instagram Instagram.com/Danielle.m.roberts where she shares what it is really like to be a working mom of faith.

 

Bio: Danielle Roberts wants to encourage you to deeply know Jesus. As an online business manager, she spends her days working with entrepreneurs to develop their business strategy and handling their day to day. As a wife and a mom, she strives to keep her family a priority and maintain a solid relationship with her husband. She loves coffee, Jesus, date night and chasing after her kids. Connect with her on her website daniellemroberts.com or find her on Instagram Instagram.com/Danielle.m.roberts where she shares what it is really like to be a working mom of faith.


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3 Practices to Calm New Mom Anxiety

Sleepless nights. Early morning feedings. And fatigue you just can’t sleep off! Welcome to life with a newborn!

As mothers we love our children dearly, but getting through those first few months of motherhood can make even the most prepared and organized woman, feel stressed out and overwhelmed. As a mom of three crazy kids I’ve learned that doing a few simple strategies can make a huge difference in a new mom’s health and happiness.

Here are three simple strategies!

newborn mom anxiety

Breath

With a new baby you might feel like you don’t have time to do anything for yourself. However, yogic breathing practices (pranayama) relieve anxiety quickly and you can do it anytime and anywhere.

Here’s how it works:

While your baby is napping or feeding, sit still and close your eyes. Settle into your body and turn your awareness to your breath. As you inhale count slowly to 4 (in your head). As you exhale count slowly to 6. This uneven breath emphases the exhalation, which calms the nervous system and brings your mind and body into a more peaceful state.

 

Sing it out

Babies love to hear beautiful sounds. And as a new mom, singing to your little one can help calm her and YOU at the same time.

Here’s how it works:

This stress relieving strategy is similar to yogic chanting. Sing your favorite lullaby or ballad. This type of song will force you to take a deep inhale, then slowly release the exhale in the form of beautiful sounding notes. Hence calming your nervous system.

 

Strike a (yoga) pose

Newborns love to get face time with their mommy. This practice is a great way to entertain her and fit in some stress releasing yoga postures at the same time.

Here’s how it works:

Folding your body forward at the hips in a seated forward fold helps to calm your nerves by increasing your exhale and turning your focus inward. To do this mommy and me version of seated forward fold, sit down on the floor, with your legs extended. Place your baby on your legs laying on his back. Inhale as you sit up tall, then exhale folding at your hips to bring your face close to your baby’s face. Hold this posture for a few breaths. (Bonus points if you sing and apply kisses to your little one’s cheeks). Do this as many times as you like.

 

Having a newborn in the house is enough to make any woman feel like she’s going just a bit crazy. But with some simple yoga-based tweaks you can make it through survival mode and look forward to sunnier days with your new little bundle!

 

yoga for new mothers

Keya Williams is a Yoga Lifestyle Consultant, teaching busy moms how to use yoga to juggle life and kids without burning out! Could you use more simple ways to bring more peace to your mom life? Check out Keya’s FREE video and learn her 3-step system to help you do motherhood with more ease and joy! www.Nourished-Motherhood/video


Are you a mom struggling to get it all done?  Check out our freebie to help you take charge of your schedule!

As a new mom, I struggled with anxiety over everything! Was my baby breathing? What if she rolls onto her stomach in the night? Is she going to get enough sleep tonight so that I can rest, too? WOW! I’m so glad Keya Williams of Nourished Motherhood could guest post for me today here on the blog.
— Celeste

Celebrate Failure!

Kathryn created a roundup of some of her best articles for self-care. Check them out!
— Celeste
17 self care pros talk about anxiety relief

Open your heart with yoga and mindfulness: http://www.healthysolutionsofsv.com/kathryn-media-...

Embrace all activities as learning opportunities: http://www.healthysolutionsofsv.com/kathryn-media-...

Celebrate failure: http://www.makewellnessfun.com/fallingfailing-good...

Kathryn Kemp Guylay, MBA, Certified Nutritional Counselor

kathrynguylay.com

Kathryn’s Make Wellness Fun website Kathryn’s Facebook page Kathryn’s Twitter page Kathryn’s Instagram page The Instagram page for Give It a Go, Eat a Rainbow Kathryn’s website for Mountain Mantras book Kathryn’s website for Give it a Go, Eat a Rainbow book


You joined a gym, right?  Why not join an online "gym" for your anxiety relief, too?  Our entire resource library is available here:

People Aren't Thinking About You... And it's a good thing

So simple, but such life-changing advice! I love that Lilah Higgins shared this today for our Anxiety Relief from 17 Self-Care Pros series.
— Celeste
lilah higgins self care pros anxiety relief

One step at a time. You don't have to do everything or be everything to everyone. Find out what you love and do those things, let everything else fall down your priority list.

Try to tune out the noise and what you assume people think of you. They're most likely not thinking of you at all and it's easier to function when you realize that.

Get a coach or someone who can mentor you honestly.

Lilah Higgins, Brand Designer and Biz Mentor

www.thehigginscreative.com

The Higgins Creative - @thehigginscreative (Instagram) www.thehigginscreative.com/facebook

 


Need an honest look at where your personal self-care is lacking?  Try our private assessment completed by a professional therapist.

Beat Shoulder Pain & Muscle Tension from Anxiety

Don’t we all suffer from tension in the back and shoulders? It’s certainly where I feel stress the most. Katie gives us a fabulous pose to try as she rounds out our Anxiety Relief Tips from 17 Self-Care Pros series.
— Celeste
anxiety relief

I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders. When I'm feeling especially anxious I do a yoga move called Garudasana Arms (Eagle Pose).

Inhale and take the arms out to the sides and up to shoulder height. Exhale and cross the right elbow over the left and bring the hands together, either palms together or hooking the fingers around the mound of the thumb.

Extend from the middle of the back between the shoulder blades out through the elbows, spreading the shoulder blades away from the spine. Lift the elbows up with the fingers and forearms pointing straight up towards the ceiling, and take the upper arms parallel to the floor.

Lift and broaden the top of the chest up into the space created by the forearms coming together. Spiral the forearms around each other, rolling the upper forearm and palm away from you.

Hold the position for several breaths.

Bring the arms back out to the side and repeat, bringing the left elbow on top this time.

 

Katie E Flores, Certified Holistic Health Coach

www.KatieEFlores.com

IG: katieeflores, FB fb.com/katiefloresfanpage

 


If muscle tension, shoulder pain, and back pain are part of your day, try out our Stress Skills Deeper Dive.  You'll receive some great resources for working out those muscular challenges.

 

5 Easy Steps to End Morning Madness

It was such an honor to be featured on Two Little Rippers this week sharing my expertise on ending the chaos that comes with mornings.  I share tips like:

1  - How to use music to get your gang out the door on time

2 - The single solution that ends most morning drama

3 - What you need to accomplish the night before in order to have a stress-free morning

Nobody likes to start their day on the wrong foot, feeling frazzled. But if you make a solid plan, allow yourself some margin, and make things fun you can end the morning madness in just a few easy steps.
— Celeste

Whew!  Mama, you've got a lot to do.  Try out our free Priorities Mini-Course to help you see the gaps in  your schedule where you can get more done.

Get Back to Basics - from Amanda Sowadski

Amanda Sowadski shares with us some terrific insight on anxiety management and self-care as we continue this Self-Care Pros roundup.
— Celeste

As a former Corporate Director with a very stressful job there was a point I was suffering with anxiety. The best strategy I can give you is to "Be the Reed." Just as a reed gently bends with the water, you can survive difficult situations by stepping outside yourself and imagining yourself flexing and flowing. When you dissociate in this way you are able to see yourself detached from the situation directly which helps calm feelings of anxiousness.

The most important self-care tip if you have anxiety is to get back to the basics. Cut out sugar, caffeine and alcohol from your diet. Get more rest. These things seem simple but our bodies and minds need to be physically nourished in order to be up to the challenge of living in the world as a sensitive being.

If you have anxiety, the best thing you can do for your self-care is to talk about what's going on. Find a trusted friend or colleague who can be a sounding board so you can allow those difficult feelings to move through you. If you try to manage the anxiety yourself it creates even more pressure. This is a time to enlist support.

Amanda Sowadski, Founder of the Institute for Feminine Leadership

http://bit.ly/1WAcuxv

Facebook & Twitter (iFemLeadership)


What's causing your anxiety?  Get to the real root of your stress with our FREE Anxiety Trigger Tracking Course.

Anxiety Advice with Peggy Galdamez

Today we’re back with more tips in our Self-Care Advice series. Peggy Galdamez shares some wonderful tips with us.
— Celeste

Find your safe place. Where is it that you feel the safest and go there. Perhaps accompanying this with some breathing techniques to help re-center yourself.

Have a consistent routine that you can count on, depend on and rely on. Take it in small increments too throughout your day if that is helpful. What can you get through in the first 10 minutes, then the next 10 minutes, and so on.

Do something that provides or creates an outlet for yourself to help cope, deal with the anxiety, or provides you with your own version of "therapy". This can come in many forms such as movement, journaling, painting, cleaning... etc.

Peggy Galdamez, Health and Wellness Coach

yourhealthcoachpeggy@gmail.com


Hands up if you're stressed!  

Our Anxiety Trigger Tracking Course can help you see what's actually causing those late-night worry sessions.

Anxiety Advice from Marg Ryan

I’ve loved sharing these great tips from so many self-care pros! Marg Ryan guest posts below.
— Celeste

Anxiety feeds off itself until after a while, you get anxious about being anxious. The more you struggle against it, the more it will hang around. Remember, it thinks it’s there to protect you. The more you can accept your anxiety (befriend it) and assure yourself that it’s been triggered for a reason rightly or wrongly, the quicker your anxiety will stop yelling for attention. Your anxiety is a physical, neurological response of an over sensitive brain checking constantly for danger. Remind yourself of this and start deliberately slowing down your breathing. You've got this if you keep at it this will eventually will calm your physical symptoms.

Your anxiety is a physical, neurological response of an over sensitive brain checking constantly for danger. Remind yourself of this whenever you start giving yourself a hard time about being anxious. We are all unique, trust yourself to work out the best self-care techniques for you. Encourage yourself to explore various tools, breathing, meditation, yoga etc until you find something that fits you. Seek help with a skilled professional if things are becoming unmanageable and be assured that once you get better at managing you can feel much more a sense of mastery over your anxiety.

 

Control your breathing.

This seems so simple but it is amazing how often we don't use this tool. Give your breath the attention it deserves, hang out with it and become better friends with it. You want to begin to learn to develop better positive qualities of mind. Feel safer and protected by using your breath to calm your mind.

When your breathing is under control, the physical symptoms of anxiety and panic decrease. I recommend trying the utube clip on alternate nostril breathing as a lovely gentle way to get back in touch with your body and help it calm down.

The best way to overcome panic attacks is to stop trying to overcome them. Ironic huh? You can’t always control the way your body reacts. However, you can still choose to be gentle and kind towards yourself and this alone decreases their frequency and then you can gain more understanding about what triggers these responses in you.

Reduce severity of your panic attacks by tracking when you have them.

Ask yourself what happened immediately before the onset, what were you thinking / feeling / what was going on in your body?

Where were you?

What were you doing?

Understanding what brings on a panic attack helps enormously with developing a plan for compassionately managing their onset.

I’m a big "toe scruncher " suggester with clients, I get them to notice their feet on the ground and then curl their toes in their shoes. It helps distract from the emotional panic at hand and gives your body /mind something else to focus on. Sometimes just this switch in focus to your feet is enough to begin to help ground you and calm you down.

Marg Ryan Relationship Counsellor and Therapist | Individual Psychotherapist | Trauma Specialist - Counsellor Melbourne

www.counsellormelbourne.net


What's actually keeping you awake at night?  

Try our FREE Anxiety Trigger Tracking Course to find out the root of your worries.

Trust Yourself To Get Through Anxious Moments

It’s always a blast to feature another professional therapist. Today you’re getting a wonderful article from Ili Walter.
— Celeste
17 self care pros give anxiety advice

My approach to anxiety is not an approach for an anxious moment. It is an approach that addresses how to feel anxiety, recognize it, and its message, and still make your best choice--one that is not based on anxiety. My tips are based on learning to cultivate trust in yourself--a belief that you can get through anxious moments--as well as listening to a variety of messages, anxiety being just one of those many messages.

One tip for beginning to listen differently is to start making a distinction between your voice and anxiety's voice. For example, you can ask yourself, "What fear is anxiety bringing up? And then, counter it with, "What do I know to be true that directly counters that fear?”

There is great benefit in taking up a challenging physical or creative pursuit, because it quiets the mind. Great examples include running, weight-bearing exercises, pottery, playing an instrument, etc. Time spent in the creative activity, over time, teaches you that you are capable of reaching new goals, and it helps you gain trust in your strengths and abilities. If you already have an activity, what do you notice about it's [should not have an apostrophe]ability to quiet anxiety? If you don't already have an activity, what activity would you like to begin? Start now, and take small steps.

Consider, what is your relationship to anxiety? It is a relationship of hatred, avoidance, curiosity? Take some time to define your relationship as well as how it helps and prohibits the development of the kind of relationship you'd like to have. Change your stance in the relationship, based on what it is now and what you'd like to to be. For example, if it is now a relationship of avoidance, you may want to begin acknowledging anxiety regularly. If it is currently a relationship of hatred, what can you do to promote a relationship of acceptance?

Ili Walter, LMFT, Therapist Coach - Family Therapy Basicsfamilytherapybasics.com

@iliwalter


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Anxiety Advice from Coach Lesley Yadon

It’s been such an honor to bring to you this series of Anxiety Tips from Self-Care Pros. Read below for some expert tips from Lesley Yadon.
— Celeste

When you feel yourself getting triggered take a 10 minute walk outside if possible. Think about what you need to feel in this situation and pick one word to describe this. Then pick one word for who you want to be in this situation.  As you walk, when you breath in say to yourself & picture the first word & as you breath out say to yourself and imagine the second word. For example: I want to feel serenity and I want to be generous, so when I breath in I will picture what serenity feels like and when I breath out, I will picture being generous. Put out your anxiety fire with laughter: Go to You Tube and look up videos on puppies, kittens and babies. Watch them and laugh your butt off. Then pick your favorites and save the link to your phone so you can watch them where ever you are and when you feel triggered. The video below is one of my favorites. 

Treat your anxiety like a cantankerous but well meaning family member. When you feel your anxiety kick in say to it, "Well hello again, we just saw each other yesterday but okay you are here again. Don't be grumpy with me, I will let you have your say but then I have to get on with my day." Practice being kind but firm with your anxiety.

Lesley Yadon, MA, Life Coach

LesleyYadon.com

FB: Lesley Yadon Coaching


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Anxiety Relief from 17 Self-Care Pros

Earlier in the fall, I thought it would be an amazing idea to give my audience a round-up of some amazing anxiety relief tips from some outstanding industry experts in the self-care and wellness space. Little did I know that I'd have such an overwhelming turnout!

From the talented pool of professionals who contributed, I pulled 17 to featured on this blog for the next couple of months. Today you'll get a little taste from each contributor, but each one will also be featured again in more depth later on in the season. Stay tuned!

 

17 Self-Care Pros Blog.jpg

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Free Yourself from the Anxiety of Perfectionism

Donna offers the sweetest graphics at Mamas Magic. Check out her tips below!
— Celeste
17 self care pros give anxiety advice

Free yourself from perfectionism. Better is good enough. Small changes add to big results.

Remember what you loved as a child. What made you happy? Do that. Even 15 minutes a week takes you back to that carefree time and calms the crazy.

Donna Moon, Magic Mama

www.mamasmagic.net

fb: @mamasmagictomballtx; pinterest: mamas magic

 

mamas moon self-care self care for anxiety

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Confronting the Lies of Anxiety - 3 Self-Care Tips (Including a Resource for Anxious Kids)

I really admire Samantha McDonald for her resiliency in dealing with life as a special needs mom. It was an honor to share her anxiety self-care tips in our roundup this week.
— Celeste
Self care for anxiety

My top tip for my clients to help relieve anxiety is called "Truth vs. Lies". Write out all the statements you are saying to yourself, such as "I'll never have enough money to pay bills" or "I'm so worried about how my child is doing in 2nd grade". Next to those write 1 truth regarding each statement - "I was able to buy groceries this month" or "My son got an A on his last spelling test". This exercise will help you recognize when your anxieties are unfounded or if there is any truth to them.

As a family coach, and a special needs mom myself, one of my top recommendations for anxious children, is a "Calm Down Box". Take any type of container and fill it with items that you know help your child relax. Play-doh, hand fidgets, light-up balls, kinetic sand, for example. When you see them becoming anxious, give them their calm down box and watch them have fun.

As a family coach, and a special needs mom, one of my favorite tools for my own anxious children is to get them moving. When my daughter is struggling with homework, or loud noises in the house, we tell her to go ride her bike, take the dog for a walk, or her favorite, jump on the trampoline. For our son it's Pokemon GO or also the trampoline. It's amazing how re-directing them to an activity helps their brains handle anxiety-filled moment so much better.

Samantha McDonald, Life & Family Coach - Living With Real Joy

http://livingwithrealjoy.com/

https://www.facebook.com/livingwithrealjoyhttps://twitter.com/livingrealjoyhttps://www.pinterest.com/livingrealjoy/


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